Nadia Addesi

And she will. Four years ago, I went through the wildest experience of my life. There were many calls with the police, but the one I’ll never forget was when the officer advised me to leave the country. I was receiving daily death threats from someone who hated me so much, I had no choice but to leave. I had to move. I had to stop practicing. I had to look over my shoulder every minute. I had to miss important moments with the people I love most. And I had to change. Not because I wanted to, but because I was scared. It was clear this person knew things about me they shouldn’t have. The messages weren’t just words, they were specific, unsettling, and felt way too personal. This all started because I posted mental health videos and because I’m a young woman. I get so many comments asking, “What happened to your content?” or “ I miss your old content” and this is the answer. It hasn’t been easy coming back. Getting in front of the camera again, or even finding the same love for this work, has been hard because of what it took from me. Every time I post, I’m in survival mode. But I’m done letting someone else control my narrative. I’d be lying if I said the fear was completely gone, but I’m finding that love for this again, more and more as I reconnect with this community and what it stands for. I’ll share more soon. But for now, it just feels good to get it out there.

My favourite quote as a therapist.

Most people don’t realize this, but your brain is constantly searching for evidence to confirm the stories you tell it. It’s called confirmation bias, and it happens whether we’re aware of it or not. For example, if you tell yourself, “Nothing ever works out for me,” your brain will start scanning your life for proof of that, zeroing in on every setback or failure, while conveniently ignoring any moments of success or progress. It doesn’t mean your life is actually full of failure, it just means you’ve conditioned your brain to notice only the evidence that fits that belief. This happens because our brains are wired to conserve energy and make quick judgments. It’s easier for your brain to stick with the familiar patterns of thought than to challenge them, even if those patterns don’t serve you. So, when you repeatedly tell yourself something, your brain locks onto it like a truth and begins to filter out anything that contradicts it. If you start asking different questions, your brain will start looking for evidence to match those. For example, instead of saying, “Nothing ever works out for me,” try asking, “What if things are actually working out for me, even in small ways?” This simple shift in perspective can help rewire your brain to seek out moments of success, progress, and growth. You start noticing the things that are working, even if they’re subtle or small, and you begin to build a new narrative for yourself. Ib - @Terra Joy 🥀

I created this guide because so many of us are trying to manage intense emotions without ever learning how. We’re told to “calm down” or “take a breath,” but when your nervous system is activated, those things aren’t always accessible, especially if you don’t know what your body actually needs. Self-regulation isn’t about being calm all the time. It’s about understanding your system, noticing what state you’re in, and learning how to support yourself through it. Not to fix it, not to avoid it but to move through it in a way that’s grounded and safe. Because you don’t need to be “less sensitive” or “more in control.” You just need the right kind of support.

I made this guide to help you understand the way you show up in arguments and the way the people around you do too. Not everyone reacts the same when things get hard. Some people shut down. Some push to fix. Some get loud. Some go quiet. And it’s not always about the moment, it’s about what their nervous system learned to expect a long time ago. This guide is something I use with clients all the time. It helps make sense of those reactions so you’re not just labeling them, but actually understanding them. Where they come from. What they’re trying to do. And what might help in the moment, not to be perfect, but to feel a little more present and a little less stuck. note: some of these reactions are tied to deep, protective trauma responses. If that’s true for you, shifting them might take more than awareness or tips. But understanding them and being able to name what’s happening, is often the first step to interrupting the pattern, and finding your way back to yourself.

Anger is often a secondary emotion, which means it’s not the root of what we’re truly feeling. In my work as a therapist, I’ve seen that anger is frequently the result of deeper, unaddressed emotions like sadness, fear, or hurt. When we’re unable to express or even recognize those vulnerable emotions, anger can be the defense mechanism that takes over. Think about it, when you feel sad but don’t feel like it’s okay to show it, anger can show up instead. It’s usually a mask and a way of protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or weak. It’s also easier, sometimes, to be angry than to sit with the discomfort of grief, rejection, or fear. But here’s the thing, anger doesn’t resolve those deeper emotions. It just keeps us stuck in a cycle where we either explode or shut down, but never really process what’s beneath the surface. So, how do we heal? The first step is awareness. Recognize that anger is usually a sign that there’s something deeper going on. Take a moment to ask yourself, “What’s really beneath this anger? What am I afraid of feeling?” This can be uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to start breaking the cycle. The next step is to give yourself permission to feel whatever’s underneath. Whether it’s sadness, fear, or disappointment, allow yourself to experience it without judgment. You don’t have to have it all figured out, and you don’t need to “fix” it right away. Just acknowledge it. Finally, self-compassion is key. Be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s also okay to feel sad, scared, or frustrated. By creating space for all your emotions, you’ll start to heal and let go of the anger that’s been protecting what was never allowed to be felt. It’s also important to surround yourself with people who are comfortable with sadness. When we are with others who aren’t afraid of vulnerability, we feel safer expressing the emotions that we often try to suppress. The more you allow yourself to feel and understand what’s beneath your anger, the more you can show up for yourself in a compassionate, healthy way.

Something I see very often as a therapist is adults who carry a deep fear of getting in trouble, even though they aren’t children anymore. This fear usually doesn’t make a lot of logical sense in the present, which is why so many people feel confused by it. But it makes perfect sense when you look at where it started. If you grew up in a home where mistakes were met with anger, withdrawal, silence, or shame, your nervous system learned early on that getting it “wrong” wasn’t safe. You learned to associate mistakes with emotional consequences-disappointment, rejection, or being made to feel like a burden. Over time, your system adapted. You became cautious. You learned how to avoid conflict, stay small, and stay out of trouble. Now, even though you have more control over your life, that fear is still in your body. It gets activated in moments that seem harmless on the surface, but your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between then and now. Tips- Start by noticing when this fear shows up. Awareness is the first step to interrupting the old pattern. Remind yourself that you’re not in the same environment anymore. You’re allowed to take up space, make mistakes, and be human. Give yourself the reassurance you needed back then. Even just saying to yourself, “I’m not in trouble. I didn’t do anything wrong,” can be calming in the moment. Get curious instead of critical. Ask, “What does this part of me need right now?” instead of pushing it away. For parents who are unsure how to address mistakes without being too harsh or too lenient, when a child makes a mistake, the most important thing you can do is stay connected. That doesn’t mean ignoring the behaviour, it means addressing it without shaming them. Mistakes are an opportunity to teach, not to punish. Speak to them calmly, help them understand what went wrong, and remind them that they’re still loved, even when they mess up. That’s how you build a secure attachment, by showing them that their worth isn’t tied to being perfect.

Most of us were never taught how to sit with our emotions, let alone understand what they’re trying to tell us. Instead, we were taught to suppress them, push through, or distract ourselves until they pass. But emotions don’t just disappear when ignored, they get stored, they build up, and they come out in other ways. That’s why learning to recognize and understand your emotions is so important. When you know what an emotion is signaling, you can work with it instead of feeling overwhelmed by it. You can move through it instead of getting stuck in cycles of avoidance, frustration, or self-judgment. This was inspired by @selfexperimenting, who explores this topic much deeper and explains it in a way that’s incredibly insightful. When you start listening to your emotions instead of fighting them, everything shifts. Anger becomes a sign that something needs to change. Anxiety becomes a signal to focus on what’s within your control. Sadness becomes an invitation to process, not just something to “get over.” Understanding your emotions doesn’t mean they’ll always feel good, but it does mean you’ll have the awareness to navigate them instead of being consumed by them and that alone makes all the difference. The quote “grief is love with no place to go” is by Jamie Anderson 🫶🏼

Bilateral music stimulation like you’re hearing here involves listening to music that alternates between the left and right ears. This technique is believed to be helpful for people with stress, anxiety or ADHD as it helps us reprocess certain experiences as well as promote relaxation and focus. Bilateral music stimulation may help reduce anxiety and enhance emotional regulation by activating the brain’s calming systems. The alternating music can create a sense of safety and grounding, while helping us reprocess traumatic memories. For people with ADHD, this technique can help improve attention and executive function. Some studies suggest this happens by engaging both sides of our brain which helps us increase focus. Please note that while there is research to promote the benefits of this, it is not a standalone treatment and varied based on each person ❤️ let me know what you think of this! Artist @Isabella Kensington . . . . . #MentalHealth #anxiety #trauma #unhealedtrauma #depression #stress #ptsd #complextrauma #cptsd #motivation #procrastination #wellness #therapy #therapist #mentalhealthmatters #socialanxiety #bpd #bipolar #dsm #adhd

Most of us were never taught to recognize our own behaviors, let alone understand where they come from. Instead, we’re told to “just stop overthinking,” “be more disciplined,” or “stop caring so much.” But these behaviors aren’t random. They’re patterns, ones your brain learned for a reason. Denying them doesn’t make them go away. It just keeps you stuck, repeating cycles of procrastination, people-pleasing, perfectionism, zoning out, and self-sabotage without ever realizing why. That’s why understanding your behaviors is so important. When you recognize why you do something, you can work with yourself instead of against yourself. You can start shifting patterns instead of feeling controlled by them. This was inspired by @selfexperimenting, who dives deep into these topics and explains them in a way that’s incredibly insightful.

Growing up in a home where yelling was the norm leaves a lasting imprint on us, especially when it comes to how we navigate emotions as adults. If you were often met with raised voices or tension instead of calm understanding, it’s no surprise that you might struggle with feeling safe in disagreements now. The feeling of walking on eggshells as a child can translate into anxiety as an adult, making you hyperaware of others’ emotions—constantly scanning for signs that something’s about to escalate. This vigilance, though a survival mechanism in childhood, can leave you second-guessing your own feelings, unsure whether what you’re experiencing is valid or whether you need to silence yourself to avoid conflict. In adult relationships, this can lead to shutting down or, on the flip side, over-explaining—both attempts to control or defuse the situation, even if that means losing yourself in the process. The pattern is subtle but powerful. It shapes how we show up for ourselves and others. If you find yourself navigating conversations with a sense of unease, trying to keep the peace at the expense of your own needs, it’s important to acknowledge where that comes from. Healing from this doesn’t happen overnight, but the first step is recognizing how your past still shows up in your present. It’s okay to set boundaries, trust your own emotions, and learn that disagreements don’t have to be synonymous with danger. You deserve to be heard and respected, without feeling like you need to keep the peace by compromising yourself.

Most people think change is about trying harder. But if you’ve ever felt like you know what to do and still can’t do it, this is why. It’s not that you’re lazy, unmotivated, or broken. It’s that your brain has been trained to stick to what’s familiar even when it’s hurting you. This guide is for anyone who’s ever felt stuck in old patterns and blamed themselves for it. It’s for the days when growth feels slow, and you need a reminder that even small choices are reshaping your brain ❤️ Rewiring isn’t just possible, it’s happening every time you respond differently, even if it doesn’t feel like progress yet. This is how change actually works. And you deserve to know that. Sources: • Norman Doidge, The Brain That Changes Itself (2007) – neuroplasticity • Michael Merzenich – research on cortical remapping and habit change • Lisa Feldman Barrett – How Emotions Are Made (2017), emotional regulation • Stephen Porges – Polyvagal Theory, nervous system states • Judson Brewer – Unwinding Anxiety (2021), habit loops and avoidance • B.J. Fogg – Tiny Habits (2020), behavioral neuroscience • Andrew Huberman – Huberman Lab Podcast (episodes on neuroplasticity, dopamine, motivation) • Kelly McGonigal – The Willpower Instinct (2011), stress and decision-making • Ethan Kross – Chatter (2021), overthinking and the brain • UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center – breathwork and brain regulation • James Clear – Atomic Habits (2018), repetition and habit formation • Dan Siegel – Window of Tolerance, brain-body integration • Gabor Maté – trauma, stress, and nervous system wiring • American Psychological Association (APA) – research on stress, motivation, and behavioral change Most people think change is about trying harder. But if you’ve ever felt like you know what to do and still can’t do it—this is why. It’s not that you’re lazy, unmotivated, or broken. It’s that your brain has been trained to stick to what’s familiar even when it’s hurting you. This guide is for anyone who’s ever felt stuck in old patterns and blamed themselves for it. It’s for the days when growth feels slow, and you need a reminder that even small choices are reshaping your brain ❤️ Rewiring isn’t just possible, it’s happening every time you respond differently, even if it doesn’t feel like progress yet. This is how change actually works. And you deserve to know that. Sources: • Norman Doidge, The Brain That Changes Itself (2007) – neuroplasticity • Michael Merzenich – research on cortical remapping and habit change • Lisa Feldman Barrett – How Emotions Are Made (2017), emotional regulation • Stephen Porges – Polyvagal Theory, nervous system states • Judson Brewer – Unwinding Anxiety (2021), habit loops and avoidance • B.J. Fogg – Tiny Habits (2020), behavioral neuroscience • Andrew Huberman – Huberman Lab Podcast (episodes on neuroplasticity, dopamine, motivation) • Kelly McGonigal – The Willpower Instinct (2011), stress and decision-making • Ethan Kross – Chatter (2021), overthinking and the brain • UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center – breathwork and brain regulation • James Clear – Atomic Habits (2018), repetition and habit formation • Dan Siegel – Window of Tolerance, brain-body integration • Gabor Maté – trauma, stress, and nervous system wiring • American Psychological Association (APA) – research on stress, motivation, and behavioral change

When your nervous system spends years in fight-or-flight, your body adapts to constant threat. You become hyper-alert, emotionally guarded, and physically tense without even realizing it. Rest doesn’t feel safe, because rest never was safe. Eventually, when that external chaos slows down, your body starts to crash. Not because you’re weak—but because you never had the chance to stop before. You’re not lazy. You’re healing. And your body is asking for the calm it never got. Here’s why this happens: • Long-term stress keeps your nervous system in survival mode. This floods your body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. • Over time, your brain learns to prioritize danger and urgency over things like rest, creativity, or focus. • When the environment becomes safer, your system finally shifts into freeze, shutdown, or fatigue—not because you’re giving up, but because it’s the first time your body feels like it can. What helps: • Recognize fatigue as a signal, not a flaw. Your body is communicating, not failing you. • Give yourself permission to rest without guilt. Rest is part of healing, not a reward for productivity. • Build pockets of safety into your day. A deep breath, a short walk, or even pausing to stretch helps remind your system: we’re safe now. • Talk back to the internalized shame. “I’m not lazy. I’m recovering.” Say it until it sticks. The nervous system doesn’t flip a switch, it unlearns over time. And that healing deserves compassion, not pressure.

Relationships are a reflection of how we treat ourselves and each other. The small moments, the way we handle disagreements, give space, and show care, are what build trust. I’ve learned that it’s not about avoiding conflict, but about how we handle it. It’s about showing up for each other in ways that honor who we are, and being honest with ourselves and our partners when things get tough. We don’t play games or use each other’s vulnerabilities as weapons. We don’t expect everything to revolve around us. And we don’t throw ultimatums around when the going gets hard. At the end of the day, it’s the little things, the respect, the care, the honesty, that create something real. That’s what matters most. So, what would you add? What’s non-negotiable for you in a relationship?

If you grew up walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around parents whose moods could shift without warning, you might notice it showing up in your adult life in ways that feel confusing or exhausting. Maybe you replay conversations for hours after they end. Maybe you assume you did something wrong the second someone’s tone changes. Maybe you find yourself over-explaining or apologizing for things that aren’t even yours to carry. It’s not because you’re too sensitive. It’s not because you’re overreacting. It’s because your nervous system was trained to stay hyper-aware in order to stay safe. When you grow up in unpredictable environments, your brain learns that safety isn’t guaranteed. You start believing that the best way to protect yourself is to anticipate everything before it happens. You study tiny shifts in voice, body language, and expression because back then, catching the warning signs early could mean avoiding hurt, conflict, or abandonment. Even when you are safe now, your body still reacts like you are not. Healing means helping your body realize it doesn’t have to live there anymore. It looks like: • Learning to notice when you’re spiraling and gently bringing yourself back without judgment • Reminding yourself that other people’s moods aren’t always about you • Practicing trusting your own intentions, even when your mind tries to convince you you messed up • Giving yourself permission to pause instead of immediately reacting or fixing If you are a parent now, the best way to break this cycle is not by being perfect, but by being safe. Apologize when you mess up. Repair the moments when you lose your temper. Show your kids that love stays steady even through the hard moments. Above all, healing means learning to feel safe inside yourself so you no longer have to read every room like your survival depends on it. You deserved safe, steady love back then. You deserve it from yourself now 💗

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to getting things done. Some of us thrive on structure, while others need flexibility. Some of us work best with focused sprints, while others need regular breaks. It’s time to stop forcing ourselves into methods that drain us and start using strategies that actually support how we operate 🫶🏼